Saturday, December 31, 2011


okay, don't get me wrong. i am extremely excited about new years, and that's the problem! i just think that every time you get excited for something, it never quite pans out the way you had envisioned in your pretty little head. plans fall through, friends(you) get too drunk, people vomit, you end up arguing with people and belligerently yelling at strangers (secretly love doing this).

so! here is robyncam's top tenner guide to a successful new years eve:

10. go with friends and leave with friends- yes, that boy across the room may look extremely cute and dashing, but how bummed are you going to be in the morning when all your ladies are talking about how much fun they had together and all you have is a sore va-jay-jay!

9. always have a pre-party- guaranteed your pre-party is going to be better than the real party. hands down! so soak that shit up. have some more sangria, eat some more food, and get real with your ladiez! it is ALWAYS okay to start getting ready for a party 4 hours before it starts.

8.mix your drinks up- okay, yes, not being the most drunk person at the party is always a pat on the back, but for real. how many times can you say that the "best night of your life" happened when you were perfectly level-headed the entire night, sipped your red wine, and danced to the fucking spice girls. NO (mind you all those sound fucking fabulous). but it's a fucking occasion. it's fucking new years eve. get fucking wasted! Just don't end up in the bathroom puking, and crying, and yelling at someone on the phone, okay? your friends will be pissed.

7.wear something fabulous- if you look good, you feel good, you have a good time. eazy-peazy.

6.DONT GET TOO EXCITED-this is always a rookie mistake! don't even think about how the night is going to go. don't even make up little fantasies in your mind about anything! this is fatal! it will NOT turn out how you expected, you will NOT kiss the boy that you want to because you will be to fucking focused on it (unless of course you always get what you want, and i mean...)

5.mingle this shit out of that party- yes, spend time with your ladies, yes spend time with your man. but then let's do some rounds okay! let's go talk to some strangers! let's go pretend we are lesbians! let's go talk to people and say really embarrassing things to them that we are going to regret in the morning! 

4. drink champagne at midnight!- i don't care if it a 8 dollar bottle or if it a 800 dollar bottle of bubbly, you have to drink that shit at new years, okay! hopefully you're at a house party though, and you can pop the bottle inside, and spray everyone at the party with it. if i wasn't going to a classy event that is how i would do it. but, so is life. 

3.have a back up kiss- you do NOT want to be the person standing there at midnight waiting patiently for your crush to swoop in, dip you, and give you the most magical kiss you have ever dreamed up in your pretty little head, and then have your dreams be crushed. okay. yes, it probably IS going to happen, because, let's get real, you're a fucking babe and i want you too. BUT, in the slight off chance, that some stupid bitch kisses your crush before he can get to you. then make sure you have a back up! and make sure that person knows that they are your back up! but if you are with a group of single-loving-life-ladies then just kiss them at midnight (with tongue). guaranteed they are much better kisses anyways.

2.bring your camera- you are going to want to document this amazing night. and you know what, just give your camera to someone else to document the night for you. because you don't want to be that person telling everyone to get together for a super fucking awkward photo, but don't lie, you don't mind being in those photos, because then in the morning you can reminisce about how fucking saucy you looked last night. AND then, when the night gets sloppy, as always, you will have the proof. it's always just as fun looking through the photos you don't remember the morning after as it was taking them.

1.don't give so much of a fuck- yes, it's new years eve, yes, it's a party. blah blah blah. but at the end of the night it's just dec.31st. okay? so chill the fuck out.

much love my party people! i will hopefully be seeing all of your beautiful faces tonight. oh, and try to have some fun okay?


Thursday, December 29, 2011

how do you do?

when was the last time you saw anchorman? Whenever it was, it wasn't recent enough, so i think you should watch it.

but! that's beside the point of this neurotic post. drinking/getting stoned alone is cute right? Because that's how i am spending my thursday evening. i've got the house to myself, jenna isnt here, new rommate isnt here, why not, right? get d-runk and rock with your cock out, am i right or am i right? (and by cock, i mostly mean chocolate stashed in the cupboards and that guitar you have been ignoring for way way too long).

i think its fatal that wyatt left a bottle of pernod at this residence. and also, the fact that it tastes like black licorice but is deceivingly 40%! Who does that?! Wyatt, i pray for you that it doesn't snow, because if it does, you are getting a face-wash!

I had a real reason for sharing this with you fellow reader, but it seems to have left my mind, so in the meantime, stay classy kelowna.


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

hank moody

is it just me, or is david duchovny a fucking babe? I started watching californication yesterday (and finished season 1), and i am Hooked with a capital H! This show is amazing.

Hank moody is a mf'ing god.

At first, you might just think that he is a sex-whore who fucks anything that moves, but in reality he is a deep and complex character. He doesn't just like women, he fucking LOVES women, all women, and most of all real women! He appreciates so many women for so many reasons!

Hank moody is a man! He doesn't let anyone mess with the any of the ladies he loves! Even if you're a one night stand(or a prostitute), hank moody will punch a brother out for you! He defends women's honour. Hank moody says whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and to whoever the fuck he wants. He is witty, smart, funny, sensitive and just plain sexy!

And although hank moody can best be described as a self-loathing asshole, at least he knows it.


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

morning drunk

Is there actually anything funnier than being drunk at inappropriate times? Seriously though! In the morning? At 9am? In the middle of the afternoon? There ain't nothing greater. It's also amazing, because you justify things for yourself, "yes, i SHOULD have annies for was a fantastic idea drinking all that alcohol and i mean you barely"

!!! and lie in bed and watch endless episode of the office, and day dream about john krasinkski and take pictures of yourself in photobooth..... that is how YOU should spend your day world!

Also, I bough a new bra from american apparel and I am in love with it! it's scandalous and delicious and i like the way it makes my boobies look when I take off my shirt. but, it really accentuates the fact that I don't really have breasts... but a girl can dream right!!?

It's a good thing that:
A) only sasha, jill, jess and nicole read this blog
B) maybe occasionally olivia

I think there is ketchup in my bed. It is always a good sign when you wake up with remnants of food in your bed. Guaranteed you had a good night, and if not, guaranteed you had good food, which pretty much equals a good night:

Some people think that money makes the world go round....false
food makes the world go round!

 (*will someone please bring me an avocado?)


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

marry me?

is it bad that i think about james franco about 48% of my day (granted the other 50% is consumed by ryan gosling/john krasinski, and the remaining 2% consists of real life...)

but can we seriously just take a moment and appreciate this gift? I mean, he is a modern day james dean!

I like watching movies that have james franco it, i like day dreaming about james franco, fuck i like just saying his name! 'james franco, james franco, james franco!"

I hope he is like his characters in real life. I would take any version of him. Pineapple express james franco! We could smoke weed, and play in the forest all day long, and we would go and visit his nanna!

James franco in freaks and geeks, hello daniel! I would be his alternative girlfriend, and we would smoke weed behind the school, and ditch school dances, and make out in the back of his car for hours!
(do you think he would mind if i made out with seth too?)

I even love james franco in milk, when he is kissing boys! It takes a true man to kiss another man. oh james, oh jamesy james. 

And, do I even need to mention the fact that he has the most magical skill of growing mustaches? Mustache rides all day! 

i would die to be that mirror. i can barely handle it. 

 james in the sun! james in the rain! james in the snow! james in the water! james in my bed?

snowball fight!

i'll lay in this field with you all day long, don't you worry.

 I think if i met james franco, i would intend to be really cool, maybe i'd even pretend i didn't know who he was!? (*celebs like that right?) and i would tell really funny jokes, and i would ask him if he wanted to smoke a joint, and he would obviously say yes, so we would go somewhere quiet, and then we would go on an adventure together, and there would be all this tension, because we obviously would want each other! and then we would end up making out for hours on end! and then i would act coy and he would be the one to call me! and text me! and send me naked pictures of himself. and i would giggle uncontrollably when he would send me pictures of himself, even on the toilet!

hook a sister up!


Monday, December 5, 2011

Point of interest

I'm totally and completely head over heels in love with The Kooks. I'm not usually into dirty british boys, but THESE boys are SO DIRTY AND SO BRITISH and they make my heart stop beating sometimes.
They playing in Van last night! I didn't go. I was working. I was praying that they would finish the show and then be like, 'ay mates! lets go get white peach bellinis!' and they would come sit in my section and I would get so flustered that I would almost faint right in front of them. Thank god they didn't actually. Can you imagine? Fainting in front of The Kooks. How embarrassing.
too bad they don't have beards

xo jess

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Until about 2pm this afternoon, I thought it was December 1st.
I had fully come to terms with the fact that Movember was over and that all the boys were going to get a lot less scruffydreamy and get a lot more dweeby.
I even paid for transit because my November bus pass was 'expired'. Honesty. I'm such an idiot sometimes. 

Don't get ahead of yourself. That is my advice for the day. Let the pieces fall where they may. You'd be surprised how many times they land perfectly. For example, it is still Movember for another 5 hours! And tomorrow is the beginning of everyone's second favorite month of the year: Decem-beard!

Finally, to all the other kiddies that are writing exams on saturday - CHILL OUT. Take a bath and give yourself a facial or something. The sharpest mind is the rested mind (and the prettiest smelling).

I wouldn't look twice at you if you didn't have facial hair.

xo jess

P.S. Can someone please tell me why ear-zits hurt a million times more than face-zits? Thnx.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

cute update!

In the mad search to do anything except for studying. I would just like to take you through my search history, and previously visited webpages.

I started out with searching: stick and poke tattoos, which led me here, to find this gem of a picture:

that site proved to be uninteresting so i moved onto a favorite, fuckyeahtattoos! where I read bogus stories of the 'meaning' behind tattoos. all of which are stupid and again, quite uninteresting. EXCEPT that i found some awesome girl (or guy?) who got this:

this sparked my interest in thinking of how people get obscure words tattooed on them, and then i started thinking of obscure words that i would tattoo on my body, and my brain stumbled upon "lioness" so i obviously googled "lioness" to find out as much information as i could, because, i mean if i am going to get "lioness" tattooed on my body i at least want to know what they are all about. 

THEN, i was like, lionesses are so cool! they are the hunters, they're social, and they stick with their sisters (can I get a what what!?). 

And then i got the desire to find out, what are the most loyal animals? this google search led me no where, so i searched, "awesome animals"...casual right? which led me to this little cutie puh-tootie site, where i stumbled upon this photo, and couldn't believe it (i had to scroll past pictures of SNAKES to get to this, proud or what?):
his name is Tinker Toy

i obviously didn't believe that this existed. c'mon! a cat that small! how bad do you wish that was on your lap right now, or in your scarf! a little kitty in your kitty cat scarf, aka kitty hammock. omg, i just imagined it, can you?? 

So i searched 'smallest cat in the world' and did some research...and then i searched 'smallest kitten in the world'...and i stumbled upon THIS:

I CLEARLY needed to see more pictures, and so i searched 'two headed cat' and there they be! the cutest little kittens in the world. omg. i love them! i think it's the cutest thing in the world. I would love the shit out of this cat! LOOK!!!

the best 2-for-1 ever!

Once i saw this,  i immediately thought, "OMG THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!!" (AKA. Jess, Jill, Sash and Nicole).

and now I have wasted another half hour. congrats me!


Friday, November 25, 2011

Who's team do you play for?

Happy Grey Cup weekend or whatever! I didn't even know it was happening/which teams were playing (still don't) until I showed up at work and they made me wear this whore-ish 'football jersey'. EW. So freaking glad I quit that place.
What this post is really about is your Girl-Team. You know, those hot chicks you get to hang out with whenever you want: when you are so happy you feel like your head might explode, when you just wanna drink way too much wine and listen to music that is way too loud and get dressed up in way too much glitter/leather/lace/lipstick/backcombing, or when you are like, FUCK LIFE and your girls are like, FUCK LIFE too.
These are the girls I'm talking about.

"my friends are prettier than your friends #tequila"

xo jess

Thursday, November 24, 2011


your face sucks. and now i don't like you.

tincanheart made this great post on celebrities she doesnt like just based on their faces, and it's so true! (minus JGL, you bitch!). SO, in response, here are the people 'i have nothing to do with based on their faces'

kristen stewart- SRSLY! you need a new face! It kind of sucks that you're SO PRETTY (and dating a babe), but you need some sunshine in your life, girl. are you happy? sad? angry? mad? constipated? I CANT TELL BECAUSE THE ONLY FACE YOU MAKE IS THIS:

harry potter- i dont even know your real name. that's bad right? NOT! i never got into the whole harry potter thing, but this kid is a freak, man up. or stop being so british or something. and apparently he is getting 'hot' now that he is growing up...but that's like saying ron weasly is a babe! (JK!)
pube-tastic facial hair.

justin timberlake- never understood this, never will. can you imagine having a conversation with him? I think i would be bored to tears, and he would be all "happy-face-smile-i used to be in a boy band-and i suck on snl-and now i think i can act"

this one's a shout out! I don't care what ANYONE says, I would get down and dirty with this 'boy' in a heartbeat, in so many unspeakable ways!
hubba hubba!


Wednesday, November 23, 2011


So, this video just blew my mind out of the window and i don't know where it went.


 p.s omg can you believe we have reached 100 posts? yay us!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Right now

Velvet. I realized today how much I love it right now. Where can I find one of these beautiful velvet dresses or some velvet pants that I can wear everyday of my life?


I like how this girl is dressing up that amazing sweater

The Hunger Games trilogy has taken over my life these past few days

Someone please make me these crepes for lunch!?

Is it too early to start decorating for christmas? Never.


Thursday, November 17, 2011

I love lists

Things that are just plain awesome:
- first date jitters
- spicy chocolate mousse (ommggg. check out this recipe.)
- wading into the ocean until the waves almost touch the top of your rain boots.
- having an umbrella but choosing not to use it. hey, your clothes WILL dry.
- not washing your hair. yea girl!

xo jess

makes me wanna

Seriously, is there anything more beautiful than a ripe avocado? There is nothing better than cutting into it, twisting it open, and having both halves of this creamy, delicious, green fruit staring back at you.

SL0IG4 on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs
make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


Why do people on the bus think it's a good idea to use their mouth as a third hand? Gross.

and this picture looks like Cat


Saturday, November 12, 2011

Do it to it.

Hey babes.
Here are some helpful tips from a girl that regularly trips over her own feet and blushes easily. Enjoy!
- Take pictures of all the cute/big/fluffly dogs you see on the street. This is usually easier/less awkward when the dog is tied up somewhere and their person is inside getting a coffee or something. Then you can look at the pictures when you are sad and need some cheering up.
- Fall in love with this girls hair.
- Choose a wine only because it has the prettiest label.
- Channel your inner forest dweller and wear hedgehogs on your hands!

- Pretend that fluffy dog is yours just to impress a cute boy. At some point the person will come out of the coffee shop and be like, "wtf get away from my dog." And you will look foolish. 
- Feel bad if you only meant to have one (or two) bites of the white chocolate brownie from Moxies and then all of a sudden you ate the whole thing. It was worth it.
- Go outside if rain drops are threatening to break through your bedroom window.
- Leave your sweaty gym stuff in your gym bag over night. Grosss.
- Forget to unplug your phone charger when you aren't using it!


xo jess