top ten ways to have the best time ever at a party where you don't know anyone (and probably don't belong):
10. drink something interesting. for example, last night i was drinking beer. interesting? n'est pas? this usually starts some unwanted conversations with lurker boys, but then again, you don't know anyone! so this new lurker could now be your best friend for the evening. "you're drinking pacific pil? interesting. don't girls usually just sip on vodka or whatever?"
9. show up really late. this one works in your favor always, because then everyone else is already really wasted. this promotes behavior such as stated in 5. and 6. this is also a bonus because you can say whatever the fuck you want! no one is going to remember who you were anyways. oh ya, that girl that showed up at like 12 and started throwing fists? what'd she look like again..? genius.
8. tell everyone you can't wait to add them on fb. maybe this one is just for me. but it's hillarious! no, i actually have no intention of ever 'befriending' you on facebook. but it's guaranteed that you are going to have a conversation with that person for about 5 minutes or so about the best way to add them. oh no, my name is spelled with a 'y' not an 'i' and i'm actually really hard to find, because i go under like an alias, because i don't just want anyone finding me you know? so ya, if you go to so-and-so's page, we're mutual friends right, and then go to friends and type in "Joe Blow" thats me, cause otherwise your going to get like a million and never find me. Thank god you went under an alias.
7.lean. this one is really basic. lean anywhere you can. against the wall, the table the couch. this is perfect because then it's never permanent. you didn't actually commit to sitting on the couch with these people. it's not a big deal when you casually un-lean and walk the fuck away! also, if you're feeling adventurous you could even rest one leg up against the wall. you know what i mean.
6. just start giving people advice. this one works great. especially if you're giving advice to boys who are trying to pick up girls. and you like to watch this. eww, not because you're a creep or anything! but because who doesn't like to watch 'love' unfold right in front of you
5. give really bad advice! this tip is more for if you're half drunk and you like to lie. oh shit, am i a sociopath? like, tell the boy that you're giving advice to, that he should probably continue making that 'really cute face' he is making when he looks at the girl he's been flirting with. you know, the half squinting, one eye open, sly smile look. promote that one.
4.flirt with members of the same sex. enough said?
3. chant/yell. this one is a golden party rule standard. and i'm sure we've all done it before. oh what, someone keeps leaning against the light switch? eeeeHHHHHooohh!!!! everyone chants or yells and raises their glasses. and it never gets old either! oh what, it happened again? eeehhhoh! again? eehhohhh! again.... and if you're the only person NOT 'eeehooing' people will notice.
2. steal people drinks. this one is great because you get to party for cheaper and with a new variety! but! be sure to pour whatever alcohol you are drinking into YOUR beer can. that way no one knows! and you should probably do this somewhere secret, like in the bathroom, or in the host's closet or something! that way you can maybe find a new pair of 'boyfriend jeans' while your at it. jk, dont steal!
1. obvs get really drunk! because as i'm sure we all know. the more you drink, the funnier/wittier/prettier/cooler and more sophisticated you are! right? and then your more likely to end up getting into an argument in the kitchen with a racist and not even care!
best of luck all you party people!